when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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