the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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