So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
