That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
