You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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