my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no you cant smoke seaweed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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