He asked me if I "almost moaned"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize