i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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