i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
tell me about the eggs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
