If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
