i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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