Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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