Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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