I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
