I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
