There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
