you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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