omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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