just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
