I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
