Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
