im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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