If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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