Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
