The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
