Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
