I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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