My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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