and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
