My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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