the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
