STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
