Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
