apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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