is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
