I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
