Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't shave. On purpose
no, he came in my armpit
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
