i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
third nipple confirmed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
