I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
