He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
