Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
In America we eat man semen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
