The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize