after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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