Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize