yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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