I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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