Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize