help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
