i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
