I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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