yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
