How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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