Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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