i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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