i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
