making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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