Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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