He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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