ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
COCAINE IS GR8
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize