I accidentally had phone sex last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize