I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
