woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
