and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
