24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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