Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
