So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize