I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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