im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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